So you’ve adopted a dog and its now day 4ish and stuff is happening and you just can’t deal, so you want to give the dog back to the rescue centre, or home it on further, or something like that.
Folks, I am here to ask that you have a little patience with yourselves and your new dog.
In rescue and the adoption phase (for those dogs lucky enough to be adopted) there are certain time frames that apply for the whole process of assimilation into a new home and family.
First 24 - 48 hours:
These are a write-off. Its all very new to everyone and unless something really dramatic or horrible happens, should not count for much
First 2 - 4 weeks:
These are the “new environment” phase of the whole process. Usually in these weeks, you will see fairly guarded behaviours, slightly more subdued attitudes from the new animal, sometimes, the new animal will show a few “desperation” behaviours like resource guarding, startling easily, pacing, whining and such like. These are usually indicative of a level of insecurity and or anxiety about its new situation.
4 - 6 months in:
You will sometimes have a “regression” episode around about this time where the newest animal might appear to slip back into who it was at the shelter or in the first 2 weeks of arrival. Sometimes the new animal might suddenly appear to become grumpy and show more “punchy” behaviours. Sometimes the animal might appear to suddenly develop more “needy” behaviours.
±1 year in
Sometimes, at around about the year mark, the animal will have a “regression” moment (if you’re lucky, its first, but more often its second or third) again seeming to manifest less confident and / or preferable behaviours like resource guarding, territorial defensiveness, neediness etc.
Now any normal human, once they’ve decided to adopt an animal from a shelter, wants to shower it with all the love and attention they think it was deprived of in its previous life and they go at it full throttle. The dog gets whatever it wants whenever it wants it. But, sadly, in most cases, the Law of Unintended Consequences kicks in at some point, and instead of the wonderful dream dog, a rather bratty, sometimes jerk or diva -like character can emerge. And then it becomes panic stations and extreme responses and things go down hill pretty quickly.
So, I have come up with a set of basic things that I advise any new adopter to do, to set in place a few basic ground rules for all that seem to work really well at making the whole process work smoother and easier for everyone. And these can be dusted off and reused as many times as necessary as the various time-flag moments in an adopted dogs integration process happen.
There’s a caveat, though.
Since it is now very well established that animals think and feel too (they have sentience that can be equated to our own), it stands to reason that EVERY SINGLE ONE is its own self, and while generalities work, in general, individuals need singular solutions too. So these basic ground rules need to be lightly seasoned with some common-sense adjustments to suit the individual animals & homes using them.
SOOOO, what are these ground rules:
Very simple, actually. For the first 2 to 4 weeks of the new animal’s life in the new home (and remember to revisit these if things look like they're unravelling a bit later on in the process), practice the following:
FOUR FEET ON THE GROUND: as the name implies, all four feet stay on the ground. No jumping up to greet, no hopping onto the chair / bed / couch / table etc. There’s no need for the humans to get nasty or angry or intense about applying this. In fact, a quiet and calm approach is much more effective in most cases, after all, you get more ants with honey than with a hammer! All the humans need to do is insist that the critters keep their 4 feet firmly planted on the ground at all times.
Greeting at the door - we all want to go gooooogly at our new animal when we get home from work and the animal’s been left on his / her own for the first few times after adoption. But if we do, we teach the animal to behave rudely at the door. So, for the first few weeks just come in the door, ignore the bouncing brat as best you can, plonk your keys, handbag, hat etc. down, go make a cup of tea (or pour that scotch!) and go sit down and chill. Hopefully by this time, the maniac bouncer will have lost interest in bouncing and will be engaged in something that has all 4 feet earth bound. THAT is when you then say; “Hello, my friend. How was your day?”
Helping itself to the chair / couch / bed - well now, thats not so cool in the long run, especially if its your new lounge suite of white leather, or even you granny’s favourite lazyboy armchair. Its waaaaaay better if, right from the start, you set the precedent that, unless you've invited them up to join you on the couch / bed / chair, its off limits to them, for now.
Thats not to say they don’t get up time. Of course they do! But they only get up time when you invite, and when you’ve had enough, they know to hop off again and go lie down on their own bed / blankie / pillow. Its not torture, you know, especially if you’ve given them an awesome bed all of their own to use! Its just a simple case of mutual respect. You respect their need to cuddle, they respect your need to have some space.
NOTHING IN LIFE IS FREE: there is a lot of online resource available for those who want to follow the whole NILIF lifestyle, but I don’t think its totally necessary here. What is, though, is the fundamental principal of “good stuff comes when its earned, not as a right”.
If we had all the good stuff as a right, well, what value would it have to us then? The same goes for our new companion animals initially.
So, you want to go for a walk? Great, so do I! But I don’t want to be having to chase after you through the house to try and get your leash & collar on, so, lets cooperate here. You come and sit for me to put your leash on, and I’ll then take you out for our awesome walk!
There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with asking your new dog to be mannerly even when excited, so asking for a sit to get leashed up and not yanking you through the door and gate so you faceplant as you exit is perfectly acceptable. How do we achieve this?
Well, you ask for it, calmly, and when the new dog’s bum touches the floor for the first time, you give a “good dog” in a quietly happy voice with a nice treat, and then put the leash on.
Most shelters will have taught their dogs about leashes, collars and harnesses, and the really good ones will have taught their dogs a calm sit for leashing up. But for those that haven’t gotten that far and who’s dog you've just adopted, patience is key here, folks. You wait it out. It may take 5 min, it may take 50. but you just wait it out, remembering to mark and reward every single teeny little moment of progress towards success.
The bum taps the ground, “Good dog” treat.
The dog bounces as soon as the treat? Don’t panic. just call him back again, quietly, and repeat.
Once the bum can hold there for the count of 3, then you can start, picking up the collar. If the dog bounces, again, don’t panic. Call him / her back again, calmly, rinse & repeat. Each time, you will build it together with your new dog to be just a little longer.
Until, by marking and rewarding the teeny steps, suddenly you notice you've climbed the whole mountain, and your dog is sitting like a boss to get its leash on!
The same applies to getting out of the door or gate. As soon as you touch the door, the dog is off like a whirling dervish. Wait it out! Once the new dog can hear you again, ask for a quiet sit. Mark and reward the progress.
For me, personally, I like my brat-pack to let me get out first so I can make sure it’s safe to proceed (no approaching cars, bully-dog-jerks, human-jerks, small humans and such like), but this may not be the preference for every one. Decide what you want and teach your dog how to get there with you. I say to my clients, “Start as you mean to go on!” - I like my dog’s walks to be a time of happiness, belly laughs, peace & almost meditation for me, so I like my dogs to be as calm as they can (and yes, I have a full spread of personalities in my bunch - from lazy as hell right through to energy boy with a faulty off-button!)
Oh, you are hungry and want your food. That's so nice to hear. But I don’t want your hairy nose bashing the bowl out of my hands as I am trying to give you your food. So, lets do this together, shall we? You give me a little bit of space while I make your food and put it down for you, and I will then make sure that I give the food to you and that its nice and tasty.
In the not too distant past, I had 6 personal dogs, 3 cats, 11 birds, a snake and a snail to feed (not counting the various fosterlings I’ve incorporated into my group from time to time). You can imagine how much chaos that could be! Well, I put this simple rule in place and it works wonders. All the critters (that are free ranging, I must add) wait politely just at the line of the door while I make and mix and serve the food. Then, when I put the food down in the various places for the various eaters, the dogs must sit and wait until I give them my release “Okay!” before scarfing down their food. Its such a simple thing, but has such profound benefits for our every day living.
A lot of folks ask me why I suggest these two fundamentals for new adopters, and my answer is the same each time;
While some humans flatter themselves to think they can speak dog, they can’t. No human can. But what we can do is SHOW dog. And these two simple fundamental approaches are a lovely, non-confrontational way to show the dogs that even though life might be a million percent improved, it still has some rules with very clear boundaries that everyone complies with so that everyone can share in the enjoyment of living in the home. These also give a great basis from which all the rest of the lovely stuff can grow.
Having said this, I seldom leave it at only these two fundamentals. I am an avid preacher of building the two way bond between the dog & the human, and will most times preach looooong sermons to my clients of enrichment activities for both ranging from brain games through to simple dog school basics and much, much more.
But for the normal, busy folks out there, as a starting point in the very rewarding thing known as living with a rescue dog, these two simple things are fantastic.
BUT….above all else, folks need to remember to just give it a bit of time! Remember, these animals are as disoriented and confused as you would be in a similar situation, so cut them some slack, give them some space and take a little bit more time with them.
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